Hey, you’re still here. Good to see you! I asked myself in advance when writing this text, what you would be most interested in the whole topic. Maybe the “why” behind it all? Whether I’m into women? Or my social point of view about it?
Now that you are still reading, I have to let the famous cat out of the bag, expose my thoughts and play with open cards. Because I can very well imagine that you currently have so many nagging questions that you probably don’t even know which ones interest you the most. And it doesn’t matter whether you are the partner of a man who shares the same hobby or fable as I do. Whether you are simply interested in the subject. Or if you are not a woman and just have the same inclination as me.
Imagine the two of us sitting around a campfire right now. You’re wearing your favorite outfit and I’m wearing mine. And you would have exactly three questions free. Therefore, think carefully about what you want to know…
Several questions may come to your mind at first. What was the beginning of my story like? Possibly you think for example immediately, I must stand on men and then it interests you most, why & since when I actually do this. And then you might want to know if I feel comfortable as a man or if I don’t prefer to be operated to a woman? And if I question my relationship, my past relationships might even have driven me to it.
Don’t worry: clothes *do* make people, but they *aren’t* people. They merely express feelings, moods, and occupations to the outside world. The question is: what came first? The desire to dress that way or the clothes and you just tried it? Clothes represent hierarchies, sexual preferences and hobbies. And shape sporting expressions, team affiliations and, lastly, attitudes. None of these adjectives really fits me. In my case, there was once simply a dress and I tried it on. I liked the skin-tight cut, the softly cool fabric on my skin and the insecure, vulnerable feeling I feel when the clothes are a little shorter and thus my behavior changes so that nothing peeks out unintentionally.
With me, for example, homosexuality was never an issue. Nor that I would be attracted to men in any way. Neither in a normal social outfit, nor in a feminine dress. Likewise, I feel, except for some pressure situations, extremely comfortable in my male skin – and yes, felt in this century, the male sex is under greater pressure than the female. Since in any debate the supposedly weak sex is the one that needs special protection, and the supposedly strong sex is the one that is too dominant and needs to be put in its place. But this is only an opinion and a subjective feeling.
Only if the phrase “clothes make the man” is correct, and men are considered to be the so-called stronger sex, then why is it that only men have a rigid, unfree and manageable choice of clothes and to break through it is currently still socially – let’s say – difficult? And where does it come from?
It doesn’t matter at all for children of small age what they wear. Dressing up does not express sexuality or gender. Also, the origin of the other person is absolutely irrelevant. But woe betide anyone who sees girls playing with cars or boys with dolls, the world of helicopter parents and “my kid can do it and yours can’t”-saying parenting monsters turns upside down. Children are free from social constraints – until so-called education comes along. And so it came about that the first touches with feminine clothing, as with almost two-thirds of all like-minded people, took place in the domestic closet in the room next door.
But back to the here and now. Obviously, women are noticeable by much more diversity and by much more freedom and permissiveness than their male colleagues are allowed to or could do. Boyfriend clothing underlines the principle that women are allowed to wear *anything*. And apart from the question about the sense if a sporty built man wears a bra, it is a difference if women use underlined masculine clothes than if men do it with feminine ones. So, what value does fashion actually have in our society? When does the point come when the rules of dress apply – and how free and tolerant are we really?
But back to the beginning. Not just to the beginning of this post, but to the very beginning of my “own” clothing career. Because I remember very well the situation in young years, in which I came in a store to the first pair of own high heels. They were not pumps, but really absolute weapons. A dizzying heel in wood look, which was extremely thin and therefore a challenge. Otherwise, the shoe had a grayish dark green faux leather look and was rounded in the front. It wasn’t me who found this shoe, but my then ex-girlfriend. She wanted it. She searched for a long time in her lunch breaks for kicks in the appropriate size. Because she found the idea extremely funny to see me as a boy once in these things stiletto. Typical situations, which also occurred at teen pajama or sleepover parties, when a female garment was lying around and truth or dare is played. Or when in school plays, the grandma was supposed to be played by a boy. You don’t know that? Maybe I was just at very weird parties with very weird people at a very weird school.
Anyway, this day was well prepared by her. She was incredibly keen and gloating to see me in it soon. So one evening after her closing time I should come downtown. In the store for clothes mainly for young women, we were then one evening together. She pointed at the shoes with a sardonic grin and I played surprised disinterest and excitement with fear. Finally, I could not cry out with joy and shout, “yes, they are!”. Whereas the fear of the looks of others was absolutely not played.
And to crown the situation, a bright red, ruffled satin bandeau dress with a wide shoulder strap on one side and a big bow came under her eyes before the checkout. Not for herself, but for me. Bought and paid for it myself, she waited outside. Embarrassed, I asked the saleswoman why “you” women would only wear shoes like that. After all, this subtly underlines that these shoes are not for me. Even if they don’t care at all. With an enchanting shy smile, she only replied that she didn’t know that herself, but that she really enjoys the tightness of the foot when wearing them.
And that’s exactly what I can still sign after all these years.