Vulnerable at Heart (New Year's Greetings)

It's that time of year when you flip back through old writing, dig through photo albums, and take a real look into the past. So I'm continuing the piece below, which I wrote a year ago — with all its twists, completely unfiltered. And I wish you a wonderful start to the year ahead of us!

What Begins Strong

Emotions on a Rollercoaster

Next year, I'll be happily married. My job will surely settle into something more solid, and everything else will presumably just keep going the way it's going. My family is intact, we're healthy, and we're a unit! Everything that matters most to me, personally.

May it stay this way.

Things Never Turn Out the Way You Expect

Thank You.

My outfit instincts never stayed hidden from my parents. I always used to describe the heels and dresses as a "lost bet." But after twelve pairs of heels, dozens of dresses, and plenty of blouses, thongs, and bras, it was hard to keep calling it a bet. So for a while, my partner simply enjoyed dressing me that way. Some people call that a fetish. That's how I managed to sell it, for a while.

With my wife today, I live it fully. I love her, and I trust her completely. She was the very first person I ever told that I like wearing so-called "women's clothing." And because she received it with so much respect and interest, and has not only stood by me ever since but genuinely encouraged me, I was able to tell my parents too, because of her.

My father found out last. And aside from the odd exception at Carnival and similar occasions, he hadn't really seen me seriously in outfits like that before. I didn't love that.

He accepted it with all the respect and love it deserved, and took genuine joy in watching me reinvent my identity and my personal style. My father loved me unconditionally, in every other way too — not every child gets to say that about their parents, and I still get to say it today.

And everything I want to say to my father once more, here, is thank you. Because not long ago, he passed away. Suddenly, and for good.

This is also the reason nothing has happened here on the blog for quite a while, and why Instagram and Pinterest went quiet from one day to the next.

Even today, I haven't quite found my footing again, but I see the world and life through different eyes now. And I want to say thank you for the time we got to share — with all its highs and lows. But I also get to say thank you for the fact that he'll stay with me in my thoughts forever, and that he gave me a different way of looking at life. And now, once again.

Because I value life so much more now. Priorities shift, and actions change with them.

Why Are You Posting This Text Unchanged?

And that felt important to share. Because I've received a lot of emails and comments on the blog asking why things had gone quiet. I give so many men and women a place to belong. This blog reaches both sides — the ones who need to understand, and the ones who want to be understood. Including the wives who have to learn to understand — or don't.

I write my thoughts and my views unfiltered, so it was important to me to leave the lines above exactly as they were, while completing them with who I am today, and today's circumstances.

So, What Now?

Well, life goes on, of course.

Slowly, the routines and mechanisms are picking back up, and the joy is starting to come back, bit by bit. And so is the courage to invest even more time in the "Der Mann im Kleid" project. Because I'm still receiving so much positive feedback.

So if you're subscribed to the newsletter, you'll have noticed the regular "here's what's new" emails landing in your inbox. You'll have seen that I've put together new shopping tips, since people often ask me where I actually shop for all my pieces. Broken down into shopping tips for high heels for men, or general tips for online shopping.

And so, with this post, I want to say "thank you" for a wonderful first year of "Der Mann im Kleid," and wish you and your family a good slide into the new year.

See you soon, with plenty more inspiration!