Gender Bender

What's actually hiding behind this clunky term? I mean, it's already complicated enough these days trying to keep track of social gender constructs. And a "gender bender" — derived from the English word "to bend" — doesn't just bend themselves. In English, you often hear the phrase "to bend (the) rules."

Which roughly means "not taking the rules too seriously." And that's exactly what a gender bender does too. Except that this kind of person deliberately bends the social rules — the ones that determine what's allowed and what isn't.

Normal, Norms, and Rules

There's an unwritten law about what men and women, or boys and girls, are supposed to do and not do. The classic example is early childhood play with dolls versus cars. It's the distribution of colors in a kid's bedroom: reddish tones versus bluish ones. And in clothing style: who wears skirts, dresses, and high heels — and who doesn't.

And these are exactly the rules worth deliberately challenging!

A gender bender has made it their goal to break these rules. Not necessarily out of any sexual motivation, and not for any other specific reason either — simply to challenge society. Rebelling against rules, or simply being "different" and not fitting the norm.

But Please…

But it's the same with this as with everything else in life: preaching about it, sure — just don't be a nuisance about it.

As a happily married man, I love wearing skirts and dresses myself. These days, even in public, and woven into my everyday life.

But that doesn't mean I want to force my views on everyone, let alone try to change anyone's mind. If someone doesn't like it, that's fine. In return, though, I don't want to be insulted for it either. Looks and attention are perfectly fine — I'm inviting those, in a certain sense, all on my own.

It's a give and take. Exactly the way a society should manage to coexist peacefully.

Please Don't Preach

And I fundamentally think it's a very good thing that we live in an increasingly liberal society! That hate and hostility have no place in it.

And yet I watch these developments with growing concern. Because the right to free speech applies to both sides.

Insulting someone is never the right approach. Hurting or even despising someone is likewise one of the great no-gos of our time. No matter how absurd an opinion someone might hold. In a free, democratic society, everyone has to at least listen to other opinions, without descending into verbal abuse or radicalism.

C’est La Vie

And that's how I approach everything else too. Anyone who commits to gender bending gets to enjoy all its perks in today's world. It's an achievement of our time.

I also think it's wonderful that this trend exists. Just as I feel positively about other movements when they give many people a place to belong.

A person who practices gender bending deliberately defies the expectations tied to their gender, playing with gender roles and stereotypes they experience as oppressive and limiting — through a conscious, outward performance meant to scramble, break open, or bend them.

And there's the key word: play. It's wonderful to approach it with a light touch. And that's exactly how we should all handle it. Both sides.

And I say this as a happily married husband, sitting in the office in a skirt and heels, writing this very post, while receiving compliments at the same time.

With that: here's to a wonderful shared future.